Leaves - Volume 75 - November/December 2009 - No. 6
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Contrary to widespread opinion,Abbot  Francis did not find it difficult to relate to women. Obviously the women in his life were mainly religious women for whom he had the highest regard, as is evident from his desire to establish communities of sisters wherever possible. Sadly the first woman who played a role in his life died too young. Of his mother, Wendelin writes that he did not know her as she had died when he was only three. What impact her premature death had on his future development can only be surmised, but thankfully he had close relationships with the other women in his family. He dearly loved his stepmother who loved her Wendelin. It was she who persuaded his father to send him for further studies, and she made the sweetest omelets for him when he came home during his vacations. She also paid for a new statue of Our Lady for his parish church. His older sister Crescentia was his housekeeper for nine years, and his stepsister Catherine was a staunch supporter of his mission in Africa.

Outside his family, Wendelin seems not to have entertained any close relationships with women. Georg Vonbank, his roommate at school, writes that he was "correct in demeanor and lifestyle" and "controlled and disciplined in the use of his time." He does not mention any female friends in Wendelin's life, nor does he allude to any of the typical escapades so common among university students, but states that Wendelin "chose his friends wisely and associated with only a very few."

Apparently the fairer sex did not belong to his closer acquaintances. Does this mean that he had problems with women? Nothing in his biography suggests this. All we know is that he related easily to everyone and had no inhibitions. According to the testimony of his friends, he was an outgoing, singleminded, upright young man who gave generously of himself. These qualities made others feel at ease with him, and his trusting, accepting outlook on life as well as his unwavering loyalty greatly influenced his friends.

Why did Wendelin not consider marriage? We do not know the ultimate reason because all he tells us is that, while he was in Italy, he decided to be a priest. He and his friends, unspoiled country lads with academic ambitions, had gone to Padua in search of a challenging city life and new friends. Wendelin hoped to obtain a degree in engineering at the University of Padua, which excelled in this field. However, his hopes were soon dashed.

Abbot Francis writes: "Most students, especially those from Venice, Milan, and Genoa, seemed to come from very rich families. They lived frivolous, dissipated lives, lounging around the coffee houses in the afternoons and spending whole nights at balls, theaters, and other disreputable places, but sleeping off their hangovers in the morning. Only very rarely these fine signori attended lectures.... In this situation I discovered my vocation. Observing the detestable behavior of the Italian students and generally being confronted with corrupt city life, no other career or way of life than the celibate held any attraction for me. So while I was undecided when I came, after less than a month in Padua I knew I would be a priest."

These lines give us a glimpse into Wendelin's inner life. It is marked by a high regard for personal integrity, concern for public morals and a desire to serve the Church. These are the traits of a man with deep insights. According to author Fr. Francis J. Moloney (Free to Love: Poverty, Chastity, Obedience) they look beyond marriage and family while not denying the beauty of human love. "A life of chastity," writes Moloney, "is nothing else but the existential consequence, which flows out of the prior experience of the urgent presence of the kingdom of God."

Wendelin chose his vocation freely out of love, and it would be very wrong to conclude that his relationships with women were strained. On the contrary, the restraint such relations placed on him later as a priest and monk grew from internal freedom and an acceptance of the "discipline of circumstances" (WH Vanstone, quoted by Moloney). These commendable traits drew women, but also many like minded men, to him who were able to trust their own powers to love by giving themselves to the Church's missions. The Cure of Ars was once asked how he managed to overcome temptations against chastity. He admitted that it was by a vow that obliged him to say a daily prayer to the Immaculate Conception. In view of Wendelin's devotion to Mary, may we assume that he said a similar prayer? Our Lady was not his substitute for women, but the woman beyond compare, whose virtues he contemplated and they inspired him to appreciate women. To Mary he dedicated his priesthood from the beginning and later he advised the sisters: "As you walk in and out of your houses, remember to imitate Mary. She is the Immaculate Virgin, the Queen of Virgins, Mother Most Amiable." As a true Cistercian, he sang her praises: "There were and there are innumerable holy virgins, but Mother and Virgin at the same time, there is only one. The beauty of Mary has made the Heavenly City of God the City of Mary."

Abbot Francis invoked Mary's help when he built a church for the African people. He once wanted to name a new church after a European shrine because he felt that this could strengthen the faith of the people. He wrote, "Who knows whether Our Lady will not show herself just as gracious to them as to the people in the old countries, and whether this will not result in the conversion of many."